What It Isn't

During a difficult conversation last week where I had to break the news to someone I cared about that the wedding being planned for summer wasn’t going to happen, ever, I was accused of not knowing what true love is. And as I thought about it, more than a little hurt by the words flung at me in anger, the truth of the matter is: I don’t, not really. I suspect that if I’d ever felt it, had it, that I would’ve held it tight and spent my life nurturing that relationship – carefully protecting it and helping it grow. But while I don’t necessarily know what true love is, I am absolutely certain that I know what it isn’t, and what it doesn’t do.


And that was the problem. This was full of things that love shouldn’t do, shouldn’t be. All red flags, and warning signs and everything happening all at once without time to think clearly, speak slowly, listen carefully. I’ve always been half worried that if this situation presented itself I would lose myself, my plans, my goals in the whirlwind of emotion and that I would do something rash, make mistakes, ignore items that should be marked for further discussion, become trapped. I feel reassured that I didn’t ignore the small things that led to big things that would eventually have led to unhappiness and resentment.  Reassured that I didn't waste five years trying to ignore it.   I learned more about what true love isn’t. And that brings me closer to knowing what it is.