ACT I:
Me: I'm sitting here thinking if this DirectTV guy here murders me someone is going to have to babysit my Amazon deliveries for the next month. Cause I ordered a shit-ton of presents for myself. #badweek #stuffsinglewomenthinkabout
C: LOL Don't tell him there are packages coming.... #freegiftswithmurder
Me: He would just shove me in the closet and hang out in my apartment.
Me: OMG if I got murdered while I was still logged in to work they could probably keep a half decent "she's alive" ruse going for at least a week depending on my meeting schedule.
C: And the family would never know....
Me: Do murderers know how to use Outlook?! Social Media?!
C: 😱 If they plan right they do....they could post politics and Hamilton once a day
Me: I'm lucky to be alive right now (#HamiltonReference this was not included in the text; C knows Hamilton) how have I lasted this long?
Me: He actually seems like a really nice guy. He offered to come back off the clock to look at my wiring because he used to be a Comcast tech. Which is why I'm totally suspicious. Who is that nice?
C: That's exactly what I was going to say. And if he comes back off the clock there's no record to trace back to him being there at the time of the incident.
C: Haha seriously...I'm gonna have to step up my check-ins on you. Although if you don't answer I find that normal.... (I once got a text from C that said, "If I call you on Friday @ 7 will you actually answer?")
Me: I know! I've told my co-workers they need to call 911 for a welfare check if I just don't show up for work, but DAMN if I'm logged in from home.... (My team members all work in CA so as long as I'm logged in it doesn't matter if I'm in the office. I work from home a couple of days a week, and for a couple of hours most mornings. My co-workers in TX are used to me keeping a weird schedule and wouldn't think anything about it if I didn't show up at the office for a couple of weeks.)
C: They'd never know.... You'll have to establish some kind of code email they can send to prove it's you. It's gotta be something non-googleable.
Me: I feel like I also can't text you a safe question cause the murderer would also have my phone.
Me: I just got the blue screen of death on my computer so someone will call 911 on Monday. It's the bright side of losing 2 hours worth of work.
C: LOL, Oh Man!
ACT II:
(An hour later)
Me: I'm not dead yet! He left to go make a loaded baked potato for dinner and appears that he's just a generally good guy.
C: Hmmm, or is that what you, MY SISTER'S MURDERER, wants me to think?!
C: Is he bringing you back a loaded baked potato? Cause that would make him a nice guy in my book. LOL
Me: I wish (he was bringing me dinner)! LOL, I'm a sweaty mess because I'm either starting menopause (with hot flashes) or having side effects from my new Fibromyalgia medication (causes sweating).
Me: Would a murderer say menopause?!
C: Identity proven, that's better than photo ID right there.
/End Play
