Never heard of it...

...but maybe I should add it to my list.


Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology, especially
with catholic vs liberal issues. You search
wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that
learning is essential in life.


Which literature classic are you?
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And yes, I am bored this afternoon.

To be or not to be...creative

I knew this guy who liked to talk about how “original” and “creative” he was. He would often lament how sad it was when people would pass off creative and original ideas as their own, when in fact they were borrowing from someone else, someone truly creative...you know, like him.

I recently discovered a blog he started in January. This blog is full of quotes and sayings and stuff that has been part of his "act" for years. What is not there is a whole lot or original content.

It just makes me shake my head and laugh...Does he even realize he’s doing the very thing he so often railed against? Or has he just run out of original ideas?

Reading List

I am so excited about my commitment to read 50 books this year that I’ve made a list; these are books currently on my “to read” list. (Some have been on it for awhile.)

10th Grade by Joseph Weisberg
Brooklyn Dreams by JM DeMatteis
Day of the Jackal by Frederick Forsyth
Factoring Humanity by Robert J. Sawyer
Gulag: A History by Anne Applebaum
If Grace is True by Phillip Gulley/James Mulholland
Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
The Known World by Edward P Jones
Lullaby by Chuck Palahnuik
Mississippi Trial, 1995 by Christopher Crowe
Moonshadow by JM DeMatteis
Practical Demon Keeping by Christopher Moore
The Amazing Adventure of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
The Dancer Upstairs by Nicholas Shakespeare
Wigfield: The Can-do Town that Just May Not by Amy Sedaris et al

The question is: The town I live in doesn’t have a library and the town I pretend to live in (so I can use their library) doesn’t have a very big/good library. Salt Lake City Library has non-resident cards available for $80 per year and they have all but one book on this list. Is it worth it to spend the $80 for a library card? Thoughts? Comments?

Sundance Film Festival

This is the time of year when we Utahns are subjected to (*cough* I mean blessed by) the presence of the rich and famous.

I avoid Park City and all things celebrity-ridden with a great amount of fervor, but enjoy living vicariously through Eric. His daily entries on the wonder (?) of Sundance make me very happy that he is there, and I am not.

Something else to ponder...Do the celebrities realize that Park City is NOT actually Sundance? Sundance is acutally a resort (mostly for skiing) on the Alpine Loop between Provo/American Fork Canyons. Just wondering.

Ooh, Count me In!

I saw this over at Stephanie's blog and I am definitely in! 50 books and 15,000 pages

So far I've read:
1-Conspiracy Club/Jonathon Kellerman 416 pages
2-The Murder Book/Jonathon Kellerman 544 pages

I'm reading
3-Therapy/Jonathon Kellerman 387 pages

I know, I know, JK is not exactly heavy-duty reading, but I was out of suggestions, nothing sounded good, and while JK is not exactly my favorite author, he's not the worst of them either.

Next up, is a biography of Helmuth Huebner, an LDS teenager who stood up to the horrors of the 3rd Reich and formed a resistance movement with other teenagers. He was executed at the age of 17, by beheading, for his "crimes".



3/50 1347/15000

The Most Depressing Day of the Year

Today is, according to a British researcher, the most depressing day of 2005. People are feeling down after the holidays, have fallen of the New Year’s Resolution Wagon, are in debt and perceive that there is nothing to look forward to.

When my alarm went off this morning the local morning show was talking about this phenomenon during their news segment. Chunga said he felt “icky” this morning and traffic-girl, Chelsea, also felt the blues. I was laying there thinking that this is the time of year that I finally come out of my funk. Christmas is a hard time for me; generally the depression settles in the week of Thanksgiving, peaks the week of Christmas, and fades away the end of January. “I’m the exception to the rule” is what I was thinking at 6:30 this morning.

I got up; made my way to work, through bad traffic and fog, still feeling like everything was okay. I booted up my computer, read through my email and attended a meeting...still everything was looking good. After the meeting, as I unlocked my computer to type up some notes, a message popped up.

“You have new mail. Would you like to read it now?”

“Yes.” I innocently replied.

Outlook opened my new message and my heart stopped. It was from the rat bastard.
“Hey, I have that thing for your wall now – could I see you sometime? --K”

First--That thing is a photograph he took while we were driving through the Alpine Loop last September, and was supposedly for my birthday (which as you’ll recall is November 5th), and

Second—Darling, I already gave you 3 1/2 years of my life that I will never get back; I’m sure it is not wise to see you nor do I want anything hanging on my bedroom wall that will remind me of you. Not to mention...

Third—the name you are known by to my friends and family is Rat Bastard. Doesn’t that say it all?

Now, plunged back into the memory of the more bad than good relationship that was us, remembering all the hurt and disappointment that (I’ll be honest here) we both heaped on the other, I find that January 24th might actually be the most depressing day of 2005.

Fair Warning

My horoscope for today....

"Anyone who messes with you obviously doesn't know you well, because if they did, they'd have some respect for your ability to hold onto a grudge, get even and at the very least, intimidate someone to the point where they're looking over their shoulder for months. So if someone refuses to back off even after you've sent out some extremely obvious warning signs -- well, let's just say that they can't be the sharpest crayon in the box, and they deserve what they get."
from Astrology.com

...I'm just sayin', JP, some just aren't the sharpest crayon and I doubt everything that comes from you...

Nighmares

My sister got pregnant when she was 17. She had a beautiful baby girl (I call her Louise and always have) who has grown into a wonderful, beautiful, smart, kind, talented almost 8 year old. J married the father only to leave him 7 months later, finally realizing what we alread knew. He was a loser, a drug abuser and borderline abusive to her. I have no doubt that had she stayed he would've eventually hit her.

Unfortunately, his name firmly resides on the line of Louise's birth certificate that reads "father". In fact, he has been anything but. He has not participated in her life since J left, except to the extent that he could antagonize J. The past 3-4 years especially, he has come around only during December or January with a token Christmas/Birthday present. Usually the visit prompted by his parent's annual ritual of the same.

We continue to live in hope that one year he'll forget. That he will go an entire 365 days without contact, because J could then file a petition to terminate his parental rights based on abandonment. This year he did not show up during December and we were all hopeful. Then a few days ago came a letter, addressed to Louise, from him. Oh, how he misses his little girl and hopes she misses him. He hears she is getting baptized and wouldn't that be great. (In the LDS church, children are baptized at 8 years old, after having an interview with the Bishop to determine their understanding of the responsibility they are taking on, as well as their personal worthiness.) Included was a check with "January 2005 Child Support" noted as the memo.

Where is the check for January 2004, or January 2003 or January 2002 or all the months in between? You don't become a father simply because your name is listed on the birth certificate, and believe it or not, you cannot make things right with a letter and a check. Since the letter arrived, I have been plagued by dreams of him insinuating himself into her life, or scarier taking her away from us. Realistically I know that that is highly unlikely. He claims to suffer from a serious mental illness; he hasn't held a real job for any length of time, and he surrendered any custody rights during the 2 years it took J to divorce him.

But still, I am plagued by the nightmares....

Apparently, I act my age

You Are 31 Years Old

31 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Thanks to Erin, who I often steal (er...borrow) from because I think she's smart, funny, a helluva writer, and talented in so many things....When I grow up I want to be just like her. :)

Haircut

I got my hair cut yesterday. I got 9 whole inches hacked off and man it felt good! Seriously, it was past damn time. I woke up Friday morning just. so. done. It was (obviously) really long; it wouldn't curl anymore; it kept getting caught; I kept getting pinned against chairs. It was incredibly annoying.

So, now it just brushes my shoulders and does a cute little flip thing and I feel...spunky, sassy, sexy. I love my new haircut.

Ile de Goree

Today my thoughts turned to a small island of the coast of Dakar, Senegal called Goree. In a small house on the coast, thousands of men, women and children were bought and sold, ultimately to be shipped to the new world in the most horrible of conditions. Those that tried to escape to the water were generally either shot by the guards or devoured by sharks, and those who stayed faced disease, starvation, death and if they made it alive....slavery.

Historians have tried to discount the idea that Goree was a major hub of slave transport, but that does nothing to diminish the suffering endured there, the monument that remains or the emotions of those who look through the "Gate of No Return".

Recently, I watched an African-American former CIA agent break down in tears while placing a rose at the gate and comment on man's enormous capacity for evil; his daughter standing by expressing what carrying an American passport means to her.

So, on this Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I renew my committment to judge on "the content of their character" and not "the color of their skin", or their religious affiliation, their upbringing or anything else that is irrelevant to them being a human being and a child of God.

So much to say, but no words to say it

Most nights while driving home I think about my life and what has happened and what is happening and I compose a very prolific entry to write here.

Every morning when I sit down at my computer I think, "Now, I know I wanted to write something about the Rat Bastard, Johnny Jackass, a song, a movie or a book, or maybe some anecdote about my day, but what was it?" And I can never captured the language that sounded so magical the night before.

So instead, I visit all the blogs I normally read and leave mine lonely, neglected and not updated.

Maybe I should add to my list of resolutions to take a small recorder with me in the car to capture those thoughts.

In the meantime I will mention that one of my coworkers (who has a very serious addiction to perscription pain killers) has apparently checked herself into a detox program. While this may sound like good news, I am fairly cynical about her sincerity. All signs point to she wanted to piss off her husband by leaving him alone with the kids for a couple of days or she ran out of pills and figured they might give her something there to "take the edge off". Either reason is unfortunate, but if it is the latter I think she seriously misunderstands what goes on in detox.

Free P.T.

A couple of nights ago my roommate knocked on my door and said she had a big favor. It seems as though her parents are relocating from St. George (southern Utah) to Orem (10 minutes away). Their new condo wouldn't be ready for a couple of weeks, but her mom's new job started yesterday. Would it be possible for her Mom to stay with us for 2 weeks? She'd definitely be willing to pay rent and utilities, whatever I thought would be fair.

Me: Isn't she a physical therapist?

J: Yeah.

Me: How about no rent, but she works on my neck and shoulders?

J: I think she'll definitely go for that.

Me: YAY!!!!!

My very fun occipital neuralgia has been flaring up for a week or so, including stinging, burning, electrical pain running down my arms and wrists (I know, I know, you all wish you could have so much fun). Free P.T. is about the best thing I can envision right now.

She gave me some new exercises to try and will start electro-stim on Monday. *YAY*

New Year's Resolutions

The trick, I think, of successful New Year's resolutions is to make them as general as possible. Goals that are too specific tend to be set aside as unreachable by the end of January (lose xx lbs. being a good example). Last year, I was overall pretty happy with what I accomplished. I feel like I mostly made progress with only a couple of really fantastic failures. So, with that in mind, here are the 2005 resolutions:

1-Be healthier
2-Be happier
3-Maintain a savings account
4-Attend church at least every other month
5-Work at forgiving those who hurt me last year

There you go...nothing to specific, just general goals that any progress made can be deemed a smashing success.

When Lent rolls around I really put in a good faith effort to accomplish something specific.