Go Team!

I went to the Jazz/Pacers game last night with some friends. We had good seats...lower bowl 15th row on the corner by the basket. It was a pretty pathetic showing (Jazz lost 60-84); it honestly looked like nobody was putting any energy into their effort, but we still managed to have a good time.

First up, dinner at Iggy's. I had never been there before, but I will go back. I had the Chicken Philly and it was delicious. The dipping sauce for the fries was especially good...kind of spicy/sweet.

Then we headed over to the Delta Center on the *free* bus...got there just in time for tip off. At half time we wandered up to the suite level where we managed to bum free drinks and meet up with some other friends. Then back to our seats for the entirely uneventful 2nd half.

Like I said, good seats, boring game, but a good time was had by all!

Weekend Stuff

It has been an extremely busy and productive Sunday morning. I have to admit that usually on Sundays I lounge around, watch movies, maybe read a book, finish up laundry, etc.; nothing very ambitious.

This morning however I made cookies (pumpkin spice), planted 2 amaryllis and 4 narcissus, cleaned the kitchen and *started* laundry. I don't think I've spent that much time in my kitchen since I moved here 3 years ago. I feel very accomplished right about now!

My folks have always taken us out to dinner for our birthday (and after marriage for the anniversary), but they have fallen seriously behind. So, they decided to set 2 dates to take groups of us to dinner. Last night, group 1 went to Brick Oven. It is my absolute favorite restaurant. A good time was had by all.

On our way home from dinner it started to snow. And snow. And snow. This is really our first snow of the season. YAY! and BOO! Everything looks so beautiful, and I'm really glad it happened on a Saturday (thereby avoiding the commuting nightmare), today it is cold and windy. A good day to stay inside, eat warm pumpkin spice cookies, and plant Christmas flowers, no?

Christmas *Music* is Here

Tonight I pulled out my Christmas CDs for the first time this year. I think you cannot have a proper Christmas album or concert with the following songs:

Still, Still, Still
Greensleeves
O Holy Night
Silent Night

If O Come, O Come Emmanuel is thrown in, I'll literally be transported to Heaven. I love! Christmas music.

A "Very Special" 5 Things

Thanksgiving Version:

1-I am so thankful that I have such wonderful people in my life, friends and family both. They are all so wonderful and I am extremely lucky to have them.

2-I am thankful for my home and the comfort and experience it has provided me for the last 3 years. Being a homeowner has taught me a lot of things about myself and my ability to take of pretty much anything that gets thrown my way....HOAs, flooding dishwashers, installation of ceiling fans, etc.

3-I am thankful for my job. Yes, there are definitely somedays I want a new one, and yes, there are somedays I want to beat some sense into the management, but overall, it is a great place to work. I also spent 6 months without work of any kind, and I know, first hand, how terrible that is.

4-I am grateful to be on the "downside" of my debt reduction plan. That's right, I am more than halfway to a debt-free life. That feels so good.

5-I am finally free and clear of TRB. I cannot tell you how empowering that feels.

Quote of the Day

"The thing that most haunted me that day, however, as I closed my notebook and put my coat on to go home, was not my ghostly image of Dracula, or the description of impalement, but the fact that these things had--apparently--actually occurred. If I listened too closely, I thought, I would hear the screams of the boys, of the "large family" dying together. For all his attention to my historical education, my father had neglected to tell me this: history's terrible moments were real. I understand now, decades later, that he could never have told me. Only history itself can convince you of such a truth. And once you've seen that truth--really seen it--you can't look away."

--Elizabeth Kostova, The Historian

Pitstop: Salt Lake City

I cannot believe that I work 3 blocks away from the Library and I didn't see the Amazing Race production or racers there. I drive passed it twice a day for goodness sake!

What was with Miss Latina Utah serving as the greeter? Was Rocky unable to do it? (Lord knows, he wouldn't miss a chance for free publicity for himself.)

And Weavers...I a.)believe you are always in the position where everybody dislikes you, you are just to dumb to realize it, and b.)Utah hates you, too.

50 Books Update

I’ve finished Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt and I have to say that while it started really slowly (good, but slow) it just got better and better. Meeting all the interesting “characters” and getting a feeling for the deep south makes me want to move myself right down to Savannah and , at the same time, makes me want to run as far away as possible.

Deep down I fantasize about living in the Deep South, in a small town with big porches, sweet tea, and where everybody knows everybody. I want to smell Jasmine and Magnolia and complain about the kudzu and local politicians while sitting on my front porch swing sipping a cocktail or lemonade. Realistically, I think I might go crazy in that environment, but I still dream about it often. John Berendt does an absolutely fabulous job of describing both the charm and the crazy of such small, southern towns. I loved it, and now, I must see the movie. 388 pages

Currently reading:

The Historian (and loving it, as well)

Next up:
The Egyptologist
Predator
Wicked


43/50 15372/15000

Windows to the Soul

Blue-Gray eyes...they should have their own category.


You chose grey eyes.
You are one of those people who like to joke around
a lot, and try to stay positive. Most of the
time though, you feel misunderstood or
underestimated, even sometimes lonely. Most
people who know you though, would not think you
were lonely at all. You tend to be a bit
snobby, and if someone puts you down, youre
ready to act back.


The Eye color personality test
brought to you by Quizilla


You chose blue eyes.
You're a very smart, intelligent person. You like
to take things apart, and see how they work,
and sometimes put them back together again. In
your class, you're probably the student who
raises your hand the most, soaking up all
knowledge for future purposes. Sometimes you
can be a bit of a know it all, and you kind of
always have to be right.


The Eye color personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

Overhead At Dinner

After I walked out on the EVIL I went to a restaurant to dine. The family a couple of booths down were having a loud conversation that included the following:

"They will JEW you down to the penny...and we totally got GYPPED!"

Is that something civilized people should be saying in a very public place, and saying it loudly as well? Do they think they are racist or anti-semitic, or do they think it is just a phrase that everyone uses? The girl who said this, no more than 18, with a 20-something boyfriend and parents in their 50s. Good job, Mom and Dad, you have raised quite the daughter!

5 Things

1-I have grass...an actual lawn, covering my backyard! It is lovely and green and soft, and it means that as soon as the roofer comes this house is officially up for sale.

2-I was invited to a black tie fundraising event for a local charity. It was very fancy with lots of very important people in Utah religion and politics. Regardless of how much I don't live the Mormon religion, it was still cool to have dinner with the First Presidency. (Although, the food, not so good.)

3-I have been off work for several days (tomorrow is my last day of freedom). It has been wonderfully relaxing to be able to lounge around watching movies and playing zoo tycoon. Tomorrow's finale includes 2 movies...I haven't decided for sure what they'll be, although I'm pretty sure one will be Derailed.

4-My parents had a b-day dinner for one of my "good" sisters-in-law tonight. I walked in, saw the EVIL sister-in-law's coat and purse and turned around and walked right out. I hadn't seen her since I found out she told her daughter not to hug me anymore and was afraid I might lose my temper. (That would have been very, very bad, but very, very satisfying.) I went back after dinner for cake and ice cream when I knew there would be other family members there to serve as a buffer, but she better keep her mouth shut good and tight whenever I am around, or she will definitely be called on her shit.

5-What with the viewing, funeral and other family stuff the end of October, beginning of November, I am way behind on my reading. I just finished The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. Unbelievably I have never read the Chronicles of Narnia and decided I need to get that done. How does a person get to be 32 years old without reading them? I don't know, but it's an oversight that is easily corrected. 186 pages

Currently Reading:
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

Next Up:
The Historian
Predator
The Egyptologist
Wicked

42/50 14984/15000

A meme

From Erin:

The fifth sentence of my 23rd post.

I arrived at the Salt Lake airport, ummm, late, so it was a mad dash to make my plane.

Whiskey for My Men...

Beer for the horses...

From Stephanie:


""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday night I was obligated to go to an office dinner. Some out-of-town big wigs were in town and it was made clear that funeral or no funeral, my attendance was required. When I arrived at the restaurant I immediately ordered a margarita. Eyebrows around the room shot up because my co-workers have never seen me drink.

"Is that virign?" I was repeatedly asked. When I answered no, they all acted quite astonished at this shocking turn of events. I figure when I have to bury a 17 year old, I am entitled to a drink or two or several.

Happy Birthday!

To ML, who turned 9 and has the dubious honor of having his birthday the day after mine. So close, yet so far away.

Goodbye

It is still a great day to be alive, but since Friday everyday has been increasingly difficult and increasingly more appreciated...

Friday afternoon a co-worker approached me and said, “I don’t know if it is my place to tell you, but I just got a message from Margaret and B found Drew in the garage. Caoimhe, he killed himself.”

Stunned silence, followed, by “Oh, God.” An absolutely gorgeous, talented, bright 17-year old finally lost his long battle with depression and took his only way out. He is my cousin. Our families have always been close. His father got me my job and his encouragement in a very difficult time helped save me from Drew’s fate.

I began, in earnest, my battle with depression 5 years ago....looking back I certainly displayed symptoms in my teens, but chalked it up to regular teenage angst. 3 years ago, in January 2003 while others were resolving to lose 10 pounds and exercise more, I resolved to end my life.

The thing about despair is that it isn’t sadness; it is nothingness. You cannot adequately describe the absolute lack of anything, everything. There is no sadness, no anger, no hate, no love, no happiness, and no fear in despair. There is nothing, nothing at all. After my decision was made, I set about putting my affairs in order. I gathered my finances, wrote letters to each member of my family, and finally, after months of nothingness, felt something.

But what I felt wasn’t hope, wasn’t fear, wasn’t sadness. What I felt was the absolute rightness of my decision; I felt taking my life was to be a sacrifice. I was sacrificing myself to spare my family any worry, any burden, any sadness I had caused them. I knew, absolutely and without question that this was the best solution for everybody. I felt that God wanted and understood my actions...heart, mind and soul I KNEW this was the right decision. Suicide wasn’t the easy way out; it was the only way out.

It was pure, dumb luck that I didn’t complete my plan. It was the last minute selfishness of wanting to see the nubbins grow up, to make sure they were told how much I loved them. It was a stranger showing up on my porch with encouraging words and comfort from my Father in Heaven. Maybe it was so I could explain all this to Drew’s family while they are angry and confused by his actions.

I still struggle with depression. There are still days where everything still seems hopeless and I wonder how much longer I can live like this, but I haven’t again traveled to that dark and terrifying abyss where the only right thing to do is cease to live. I know that if I ever stand on that edge again, I will certainly not come back. I know with the utmost certainty that if I had to fight this battle at 17; I would have lost.

I also know with utmost certainty, that when Drew took that final irrevocable step, legions of angels were there to spare him the final moments of agony, to usher him to the veil where his grandfather would embrace him and lead him to generations of loved ones who will heal his heart and soul. I know that he safe, that he is cared for, that he is loved. I know that he will not be judged on that last desperate act, that he will be healed and forgiven, that I will see him and embrace him again...and we will both be whole.

Rest in peace, Drew. You are loved, you are missed, and you are understood.