Nighmares

My sister got pregnant when she was 17. She had a beautiful baby girl (I call her Louise and always have) who has grown into a wonderful, beautiful, smart, kind, talented almost 8 year old. J married the father only to leave him 7 months later, finally realizing what we alread knew. He was a loser, a drug abuser and borderline abusive to her. I have no doubt that had she stayed he would've eventually hit her.

Unfortunately, his name firmly resides on the line of Louise's birth certificate that reads "father". In fact, he has been anything but. He has not participated in her life since J left, except to the extent that he could antagonize J. The past 3-4 years especially, he has come around only during December or January with a token Christmas/Birthday present. Usually the visit prompted by his parent's annual ritual of the same.

We continue to live in hope that one year he'll forget. That he will go an entire 365 days without contact, because J could then file a petition to terminate his parental rights based on abandonment. This year he did not show up during December and we were all hopeful. Then a few days ago came a letter, addressed to Louise, from him. Oh, how he misses his little girl and hopes she misses him. He hears she is getting baptized and wouldn't that be great. (In the LDS church, children are baptized at 8 years old, after having an interview with the Bishop to determine their understanding of the responsibility they are taking on, as well as their personal worthiness.) Included was a check with "January 2005 Child Support" noted as the memo.

Where is the check for January 2004, or January 2003 or January 2002 or all the months in between? You don't become a father simply because your name is listed on the birth certificate, and believe it or not, you cannot make things right with a letter and a check. Since the letter arrived, I have been plagued by dreams of him insinuating himself into her life, or scarier taking her away from us. Realistically I know that that is highly unlikely. He claims to suffer from a serious mental illness; he hasn't held a real job for any length of time, and he surrendered any custody rights during the 2 years it took J to divorce him.

But still, I am plagued by the nightmares....