Smokey and the Bandit

Let me first say, that there is construction all over the damn interstate these days. You CANNOT get from point A to point B without being stuck in a huge traffic jam. Of course, this means that once I break loose I tend to drive a little faster than I ought to. Especially when I'm late for work.

Recently, however, there was a very special UHP officer just a-waitin' for me. He clocked me doing 76mph (which is actually fortunate because when I first saw him I was doing 90mph). My argument to him was that if you averaged the speed of my entire commute it ended up being only 60mph. Needless, to say, I got a ticket. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for it. Maybe, I'll get to go to traffic school, instead.

I probably could have gotten out of it, but I was frustrated and not very happy and that translated into being a tiny bit snotty to the officer.

UHP: "Ma'am, first of all, you need to be more careful pulling over. Next time, remember that I have to get over too."

(If he hadn't called me ma'am things might have gone a whole lot better.)

ME: "A)There won't be a next time, and B)if you want to pull me over, you're pretty much on your own getting to the shoulder to do it.

UHP: (Stunned look) "Well, do you know how fast you were going?"

ME: "Why, don't you know? I've always assumed that was what the radar gun was for."

UHP: (Another stunned look) "Were you in a hurry?"

ME: "Obviously I was, but it looks like it's irrelevant right about now, eh?"

UHP: "I just need your license, registration, and proof of insurance."

He walked back to his car, took his own sweet time and came back.

UHP: "I went ahead and knocked it down to 5mph over the limit. Next time, only do 70mph and you probably won't get pulled over."

ME: "Gee, you're a peach...no wonder everyone considers y'all heroes...are we done?"

UHP: "Yeah, have a nice day, ma'am."

ME: "Well, you've already pretty much shot that idea to hell, haven't you." (as I'm rolling up the window) "Hope you meet your quota."

Seriously, why can't they pull over the jackass doing 45mph in the fast lane once in a while?

SHUT UP!

An open letter to the woman in the cubicle behind me:

SHUT UP! No one believes that you have your master's degree, given the fact that you have worked in an entry level position for the past 30 years and you have a fourth grade vocabulary. Your opinions and constant commentary on everything and everybody is incredibly irritating and uncalled for. Saying that you are just honest and "to the point" does not excuse your rudeness to others. It is not our fault that you are 56 and single, that you have never had a husband (or even a date in the last 36 years) or owned a home. It is not our fault that you hate your family or that the only company that can stand you are your 4 cats and 2 rabbits. So please, just shut up and quit annoying the entire office.

I'm an Anti-Dentite

Again today, I spent the morning at the dentist. This appointment was for a temporary crown. I have to go back in 2 weeks for the real crown.

I hate the dentist. Actually it would be more accurate to say that I hate going to the dentist. My dentist is a fine human being and also kind of cute.

"Is he married?", you ask.
"Probably," I say, "this is Utah, after all."

But he is fun to joke around with; something he and I have gotten pretty good at during the few hours we've spent together. Especially since one of the first things I said to him (with a big smile) was, "Skip the lecture, I know all this stuff, it's just that I hate you people."

So he gently cajoles and I am jokingly sarcastic, and if this keeps up my teeth will never have been in such good condition.

**note to self--remember to put extra $$ in flex spending account for dental work next year! :-)

Six Degrees of Separation

My "Bacon" number is 3:

I met Lorenzo Lamas while he was filming Take Down (1979) in my neighborhood. He was in...

The Muse (1999) with Greg Grunberg, who was in
Hollow Man (2000) with Kevin Bacon.

But more important that the Bacon number is the Greg Grunberg connection because I have a huge crush on him from his role as Eric Weiss on Alias.

Celebrity aside, I belive this to be true in everyday life. I recently found out some very disturbing information about someone I once admired. The information came in an email from one of the "close friends" who I don't know and have never met, but who had some concerns about what he saw going on. I may never know exactly who else was involved, but I'm sure the once-admired-now-despised is scratching his head wondering how the hell I found out. The answer, we are ALL connected by six degrees of separation...sometimes, less.

Search Results

Someone visited my site after typing the following inquiry into "ask jeeves":

Can a registered republican vote for democrats?

This person unsuprisingly was from Florida.

Wedding Bells

My previous roommate did, indeed, get engaged on Saturday night. Interestingly enough, she is marrying my brother. They showed up about 11:30 Saturday night to share the news. I was pretty thankful they showed up because it eliminated the awkward time when the new roommate was moving in and do I offer to help even though I don't really want too. So, instead I sat in the living room and admired the ring and gave my congratulations.

My brother had circulated the word through the family that Saturday was "the night". K had spent Friday and Saturday moving out of my house and into an apartment that they'll share after the wedding, they'd had some family stuff to do, and a friend's wedding reception that night. Needless to say, she wasn't expecting it to happen, what with all the moving and general busy-ness of the weekend. N told me that they'd be over at my folks' between 10:00 and 10:30 to officially announce their engagement and show off the ring.

K called me about 9:45 all happy and chipper and I thought she was calling to tell me the news. This was how the conversation went:

ME: "Hello"
K: "Hey, how are you?"
ME: "Fine, How are you?"
K: "Well, hot"
ME: (long pause as I digest this answer I wasn't expecting) "Hmm, well it is August."
K: "I know, my a/c at the new place is broken, and N sent me back to the bedroom to work on a (LDS Relief Society) lesson for tomorrow. I just remembered I left a couple things there and want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon, okay"
ME: "Hmm, it's not working, yeah tomorrow is fine? Hey, N called me earlier and I wasn't able to talk to him, is he there? Can I talk to him real quick?"

N: "Hola" (he likes to pretend he's Spanish)
ME: "Code word: Operation Condor (this is our code name for all covert family operations) is the deed done?"
N: "Well, no, but definitely tonight"
ME: "Okay, well I'll probably see you guys tomorrow 'cause my new f***ing roommate isn't here yet."

Later, he told me that when K said she was calling me all he could think was, "Please don't give it away." Under the circumstances I think I recovered nicely. She didn't suspect a thing, but in hindsight said it was a little suspicious.

Oy vey!

The new roommate moved in on Saturday; the first thing she did was ask to borrow sheets. Then she asked to borrow soap, towels, midol and a bunch of other stuff. In her defense, she arrived at 11:00 pm on Saturday night, and I wouldn't have wanted to unpack all my belongs right then either, but I worry that it may set a bad precedent for her to continue mooching off me. Also, she is very loud and likes to talk, A LOT. Me, I like a little peace and quiet once in a while. I'm a little hesitant about the situation, but I'm hoping she mellows a bit once she gets settled. Otherwise, y'all might be hearing quite a bit about her in the future.