During my few days of serious emotional upheaval and general emotional breakdown I, in a exceptional moment of weakness, sent him an email.
It wasn't "Let's get back together" or "I miss you so much" it was just, "You were always good for a sanity check and a laugh, I hope you are well."
The instant I hit send all I could think was how stupid it was. What was I thinking. How desparate must I be to email him. And commenced praying, "Please don't respond, please don't respond, please don't respond!"
And he, being well and truly a Rat Bastard, answered in a way that has devasted me all over again. BOYS SUCK!