Dear Utah Drivers:

You suck!  Yes really, you guys are the worst.  Now, I can't say you are the worst in the whole country, but I can say that of the 40 states (plus the District of Columbia) I have driven in you guys are the worst.  I suppose it is possible that North Dakota, Minnesota, or Florida has worse drivers than you, but I can guarantee that Texas, Pennsylvania and at least 38 other states do not.

You are selfish, greedy drivers who love to tailgate, weave across multiple lanes of traffic, and cross the double white lines - all without the use of the turn signal.  I forget that Utah drivers are horrible until inevitably within miles of the border you appear.  Every rock chip, crack, and misfortune that has befallen my windshield has happened within the borders of Utah.  When you consider that I have literally driven my little car to and fro across the country (and drove regularly in the narrow, crowded streets of Philadelphia) this fact is astonishing.

It is not that you drive to fast...I am something of a speed demon myself - it is that you are blatantly unsafe while repeatedly speeding up and then slooooowing down, slamming on your brakes, and rudely refusing to let others merge, and did I mention the tailgating?!  Following distance people - learn it, live it, love it.

I know not all of you living in Utah drive this way, but the percentage of d-bags on the road is really shockingly higher than anywhere else I've driven.  I remember when my parents visited me in Pennsylvania and I was frustrated with my dad's driving through a tollbooth.  Finally I told him, "You can just go, merge smoothly into the toll lane because the people behind you are watching, they know that you have to merge, and THEY WILL LET YOU!"  He didn't believe me, but it is true.  Those drivers have your back - because you'll have theirs tomorrow.

So, drive a little bit more kindly, Utah, and remember to top of your turn signal fluid...it looks like most of you are running low!